Morning sunshine, it was just another dreary day,
Why come out at all, When stars all fade to grey
Give me a bullet to dine on.
At least my stomach will be full.
My mind at rest and a smile to test
The ravages of time and some endless pain.
- Anonymous (the early days of the holocaust)
The light was bright and beautiful girls serenaded, it was hard to keep a pure thought in one’s mind. Especially for a man who has been compared to the Eiffel tower. The world is not clean, it is a very dirty place and right now i feel like the fungus that seems to grow beneath all this filth. Who am i you ask? Well to find out you would need to read on further.
I guess that’s enough suspense, my name is Nimrod , cool isn’t it! . My mom picked it from the bible and in a way a hunter i have been. As from above you can clearly see that i am not much of a writer, people read what other people wrote cause it sells sex, action and drama, i am guessing the average chump doesn’t get much of any of the above and I guess what i am going to write has all that’s needed to be a best seller but then again who reads these days. Anyways this is my letter in a bottle; let the finder hopefully save his soul.
Things are different today from the past, world war three went by and some wacko alien have come from nowhere telling us that they are the messengers of god. A billion people died over that argument. Thousands died when god was on paper and on the tube and on the net. What did one expect when a real live representative came down from hell? Don’t get me wrong , i am not an atheist but i have a low tolerance limit in the bull shit department, call it my experiments with truth but I had no idea how far the rabbit hole led.
I am an actor by profession when acting was a profession. Send couple of N-bombs and the dudes from way above and we got a recipe that makes global warming seem like an itch on the ass. How am i still alive? i don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with my mojo, throughout my life i have been lucky.. Very lucky. A lucky number seven pops down anytime opportunity strikes, well at least that was my belief. The paradigm one sets up always seems to find a way of changing depending on circumstances.
I dislike men in general.. we lie, we cheat, we kill. We don’t mind sleeping with the devil just to get a fix for a night. I sold my soul to the devil, a lot of people are going to die because of me. Why? Because I’m good at it, I am so good at lying that it becomes the truth. Magic isn’t it. People say that only a diamond can cut another diamond and here i am, to rid the world of poverty, despair, hunger and war.
It started out all innocently, this was before the war and before those aliens came, I was a small time actor working his way up. At one of those parties that the big and famous love throwing, i met Alexander, Colonel Alexander, his phish posh and rotund donkey’s voice gnawed my nerves. But what can an actor do but tread the boards carefully and hope not to stumble down. Also at the party was Lieutenant Colonel Ying Yang, a pretty nice chap considering he was schizophrenic. Well Nimrod the hunter was looking for a prey; one does often find tender meat on sirens and banshee’s at these kinds of parties.
Sighting a prey of my liking, i moved in for the kill. But in my haste, I did not see the waiter carrying the sauerkraut and champagne come my way until the last minute. A quick stumble and a miniature catapult with all the nutrition a size zero model would need was flung into the air. I sighted the trajectory and noted a schizophrenic on its path. A small bang , a tinkling of broken glass and a weird singing noise filled the air (i gathered that was Chinese later on after the party, just for notes sake I knew there was no language called Chinese but i could not make out the difference between Cantonese and mandarin so Chinese it remains).
Well it wouldn’t have been too bad but all of a sudden a donkey started braying next to me. Mr Ying turned to give a baleful stare and i tried my best ‘he did it!’ look. ( It later dawned on me that by mysterious acrobatic circumstances and rotation of the earth , i had managed to land upright in a completely innocent bystander location next to the guffawing Mr Alexander at whose feet was lying the waiter who would rather be buried right there than get up and face the consequences.)
I was unsure whether it was the look or the alignment of the crime scene or perhaps both that led to two molars being lost, a broken nose and a bloodied eye. Army men will be army men, violent beasts. At least i got my prey and it turned out she was neither a siren nor a banshee but a witch whose father had a lot of money. I was in love.
Later i heard that the two army men became the Secretary of defence of their respective countries and perhaps remembering the past decided to play a little missile game. I would have said oopsie daisies but then again, was I really at fault? All I did was give a little look. I let my heart rest in peace in the amazingly huge underground shelter that my obscenely rich father -in-law had made for his family.
Tired of the war and loss of business to the beautiful parts of the world that one would not be able to visit for the next 700 million years, and the ever present fear of mutant zombies from the umbrella corporation coming out of these parts; businessmen and traders all over the word decided to hold peace talks. Needless to say my in law was a part of this mission, as his health wasn’t as good as usual (some radiation poisoning or something after visiting his warehouse ) I joined him to give emotional strength (whatever that means) and stand in for him in the multitude of social function that the Chinese faction had planned. My beautiful wife was carrying our fifth child (someone had to start repopulating the world and i was doing my duty) and could not join our little enterprise.
To keep the story short, i went on another hunt and it seemed it was a wife or a mistress of a very important member. Did i mention my relationship to the Eiffel tower? Anyways two weeks later a deal was signed and people started singing glory hallelujah! to my name. Well which actor would not love applause, I didn’t know what the big deal was but hey.... if people believed that i saved the world while I didn’t even raise my hands to do anything ( ok maybe i used it a couple of times) whom am I to go dash their dreams.
After that venture it seems my name was put forward as a candidate for the UN General Secretary position, the nuclear war threw a lot of power towards the UN and I guess they were thinking whom better to give than the dude who tamed the dragon. I nearly broke down laughing when i first heard this... me a worthless bastard as the ruler of the world.. where did all the wise and sane people of the world disappear too? But I am an actor, so I just held a serious face (it seemed as if I was struck with the Moebius syndrome for an hour or so) and just nodded and lo! I came to be king of the world.
The last decade seem to go on well. I just let the smart people do what they wanted to do. Carved out my empire of pleasure and wealth and the world was at peace until the bloody aliens arrived. They came in peace and had amazing technology and they wanted help us reach the stars beyond the stars and achieve enlightenment that few mortals would deem to find in their entire lifetime. But with it would come doubt and true realisation of what I was. When no war replaces war and when people don’t die of hunger everyday they think that this is heaven and i was their messiah but here comes another messenger promising them a greater heaven what would then become of me.
Doubt is easily sown and people get easily offended, the same turned true with these aliens. Well I am sitting here in my pleasure palace reflecting on how narcissistic I truly am. I received news that the aliens have brought a planet buster along with them. I am not a religious man but I guess I am the abomination that the world was warned to look out for and sadly the only thing i held on to was quintessentially a hope of a better life, maybe I got a little too greedy to the end.
There is an old earth saying’ What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!’ and i hope i don’t commit the same mistakes like I did on earth, on the settlement that this space craft is carrying. As long as we humans adapt and evolve fast enough I believe we’ll outlive cockroaches no matter what problems effervesce into the future. Else we can all cross our fingers and just trust in my mojo.
